The gospel according to no-one in particular

AND so it came to pass, that when the disciples arrived in Jerusalem, they did see a group of believers standing nearby. And Peter called to them, “Oi, you looking at my sepulchre?” And he smote one of their number with a wineskin and in a loud voice did beckon those who would stand against him, and called out, “Come forth if thou consider thyselves hard enough.”

And a great tumult did descend upon those gathered in the Holy City. And those who watched from afar did shake their heads and make a tutting noise. And a small child was heard to say, “Call themselves Christians, eh?”

From the Big Book of Pointless Religious Arguments, Chapter 1

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11 Comments

Filed under Church, Whimsy

11 responses to “The gospel according to no-one in particular

  1. But on the third term they all went out and voted new labour! and behold the money lender had reassembled his temple store and the tax collector did eliminate the 10% tax rate. Oh, how we did laff and the cock did crow

  2. Johnny Norfolk

    Dont worry Tom.
    I just put it down to Glenrothes going to your head, since you removed your hat.

  3. Far too subtle for a political blog, Tom. You should have explained in Janet & John style that this was not an allegory for UK politics but a witty comment on a real punch-up in a real temple in Jerusalem.

    Oh no, now they’ll think this is a reference to Arnold Wesker and (very) old Labour!

  4. I had hoped the link to the BBC story would have given enough of a hint.

  5. killemallletgodsortemout

    God is great.

    Religion, like New Labour, is crap and causes more problems than it solves.

    Don’t forget for whom you work, Mr. Harris.

  6. It shows what a big difference there is between being religious and being godly.

  7. richard

    Hallelujah. It seems that I’m not the only one who thinks it’s a bit odd that a bunch of Christians were trying to kill each other in Jesus’ tomb.

    Having said that, the current pope was a card-carrying member of the Nazi party so clearly there’s room for lots of different opinions in the Catholic Church at the moment…

  8. paulmcc

    Richard, please note that His Holiness was not a card carrying member of the Nazi Party. As is well documented he, along with many Germans, both enthusiastic and opposed, was forced to join the Hitler Youth. And a fine attempt to tar millions of people with whom you disagree about fundamental issues with the same, incorrect, brush!

  9. There is something deeply incarnational about the followers of the loving God having a good old punch up in the Holy of Holies.

    Didn’t Our Lord mention something about hating your mother and brother.

    Bring it on I say and let’s hope it hastens the parousia!

    Pax vobis.

  10. richard

    I found this rather nice little precis of Pope Gregory’s past: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/7576505/

    Essentially it reads as follows;
    -Pope joins Hitler Youth,

    -Pope joins priesthood

    -Pope leaves priesthood and spends several years trying to shoot down Allied planes from the safety of a big concrete bunker while thousands of Jewish prisoners from Dachau are worked to death in the next building along.

    -Pope flees advancing American army and spends the rest of the war in the safety of a POW camp.

    Let me know if I missed anything…

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