Nostalgia ain’t what it used to be

OUR children are missing out. I just bought two tubes of Smarties for Ronnie and Reggie and was appalled to see the vandalism that has been perpetrated on these classic sweets. The circular tube has been replaced with a hexagonal one, and there’s no separate plastic lid that pings off at a lethal rate when you stamp on the tube at just the right point and with the correct ferocity. Now the lid is just a cardboard flap at the end of the tube. How dull is that?

Why must sweetie manufacturers change everything? What was wrong with the little piece of grease-proof paper inside every individually-wrapped Opal Fruit? And what was wrong with the name “Opal Fruits”? Starburst my a****.

I’ve only just got round to accepting the name “Snickers” instead of Marathons.

More importantly, whatever happened to those classic sweets from my childhood, like Opal Mints (later renamed “Pacers”), or Dalek Death Ray ice lollies, or Texan bars? And am I the only person in Christendom who remembers that Milky Way wannabe, the Mighty Moose (advertised on telly, I seem to remember, by a cartoon moose stopping a speeding train)?

Still, whatever failings of Smarties’ new packaging, the contents have had the desired effect of keeping R&R quiet long enough for me to write this post. Wonder how long before the e-numbers kick in? Now, in my day, e-numbers were much better than the rubbish you get today… (mutters something about national service as he shuts the computer down).


Filed under Family life, Whimsy

22 responses to “Nostalgia ain’t what it used to be

  1. Jim Baxter

    Ah yes, and what about the Aztec bar?

  2. Jim Baxter

    …and real Irn Bru? A brown effluvium would rise when you unscrewed the bakelite stopper from those slender-necked bottles that it used to inhabit, like the fumes from a flask of nitric acid. It would catch the back of your throat. Great stuff.

    Now it’s just another fizzy drink.

    Don’t get me on to real Coca-Cola. I’m too young to remember that but they should bring that back too. Bloody nanny state.

    Oops. Sorry Tom. And on a recreational thread too.

  3. Rapunzel

    This week’s most pressing concern is likely to be where I’ll be able to buy Pic ‘n Mix if Woolworth’s folds. Pic ‘n Mix means never having to buy green Jelly Babies or the Liquorice Allsorts with hundreds and thousands on!

  4. King John

    I loved Texan Bars…….. hmm, nostalgia.

  5. Brian Hall

    Unfortunately, your and my children will be missing out when the Chinese and Saudis want their money back!

  6. Why? Is that who makes Smarties?

  7. Brian Hall

    May well be in a few years time!

  8. Jay

    Does ANYONE like the liquorice allsorts with the hundreds and thousands on? I suppose they must have done their market research…

    ASH is up in arms because sweetie cigarettes are still sold – they’re campaigning for health warnings on the packets. (Seriously, they’re trying to have them banned.)

    I still come across old-fashioned sweet shops but it’s not the same buying soor plooms in metric. A good enough reason, I reckon, to leave the EU apart from stuff like this:

    What was it again about the advantages of belonging to the EU?

  9. Confession time: I love licquorice allsorts with the hundreds and thousands on!

  10. AngryVoter

    I tell you why Tom….

    Elf n Saftee sayz you cannut have such dangerous lethal things as small bits of plastic lids because…

    Uh…. because we said so! So there! Ner ner!

    That’s basically it mate. Or can be trace back to the Health and Safety Nazis.

  11. richard

    They used to have letters under the lid as well. I always wondered why…

  12. I absolutely loved Texan bars.

    I bet they stopped printing a different letter on the lids of the smartie tube too.

  13. “And what was wrong with the name “Opal Fruits”? Starburst my a****.”

    So true.

  14. Rapunzel

    Great! When I have to start buying boxes instead of spending ages sorting at the Pic ‘n Mix, I’ll send you mine. If you’re swapping, I like the cylindrical ones with licquorice round the white inside.

  15. Completely mad rant: I love it!

    I presume all the comments saying things like “I remember the days when you could find an NHS dentist” were rejected.

    I need one badly thanks to all those Texan bars, Opal Fruits, Marathons, Fruit Salad and Blackjacks, Mojos and of course, Daintees.

    OK, my teeth are falling out now, but what about the generation brought up on aspartame? Very scary – do your family a BIG favour and check the ingredients in drinks, crisps, chewing gum, etc.

  16. I’m not surprised you’re a fan of mad rants, Stewart. But in fact, I haven’t rejected a single comment on this thread. Yet.

  17. “I’m not surprised you’re a fan of mad rants, Stewart.”

    At first I thought this was a snide comment directed at me, but I realise you mean because I visit your site almost every day. 😉

  18. The allsorts with the hundreds and thousands on are the best ones.

  19. Johnny Norfolk

    What ever happened to the rule. ” If it aint broke dont fix it”.

    So much changes at the whim of marketing people who think they know best.
    Just like this Labour government.

  20. Angelina

    What about the great Wagon Wheels debate. Are they as big as they used to be?

  21. Jay

    Does anyone else share my view that, since their comeback, Wispas are slimmer? In the (was it 70s or 80s?) it seemed like you had to dislocate your jaw to bite into one (and, no, I’m not, unfortunately, so young that my mouth would have been smaller then!)

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